Guardian Angel

A Time to Cheer

A Time to Cry

A Time to Laugh

A Time to Sigh

A Time for You

A Time for Me

A Time of Really Falling In Lo.V.e 

A Day when I really feel like Writting

  

Today, a "long lost" feeling surfaces and tickles me.. "write something.." I hear it repeating gently. It's really been awhile from the previous blog, yes.. I'm just lazy, very lazy in jotting down my thoughts and emotions. Originally, I was planning to write in Mandarin as I can see the characters dancing in my mind, forming my thoughts into sentences and they're waiting me to lay them out on a piece of paper or blog, perhaps, even by reciting it. Unfortunately, when I'm all set to blog it, I realized that this laptop only has "Eng - US". Oh well.. maybe not this time. :)

My words and thoughts are always being scribbled down in various notepad, planner, and scrap papers.. I flip through a brown petite notebook which has my most "recent" journals. I read, and I saw my sadness, worries, confession, courage and changes. Not sure if you have the same feeling, I tend to feel shy or rather awkward when reread my journals, ha. It's quite a complicated taste, bittersweet, sour-sweet, & blend.. 

So much had happened, I really want to thank God that I met this new person in my 28 age of life, Mr. W.C. Yupe! It sounds like "toilet", which coincidentally matches my last name "Loo". It just tickles me when I made the association. :) Not too sure how far this will last.. I have so much to write here but a line always hold me back from saying this. HE once told me that "ain't all girls dream of marrying the boyfriend they met? The first one, second one.. every relationship they have, they tend to think of marrying the person.." Honestly, I didn't say that he was wrong or debated it. Perhaps, it was indeed a blindspot that I've never realized and I'd been rationalizing it as "yes, I'm loyal girl". But now, I am certain that I know how I feel, I know that I can speak up when the timing is right, I know what I want in life, and most importantly, W.C understands all of these very well without me pushing it or needed to clarify repeatedly. It's like a spell, even I have problems accepting this. I doubt, him? No.. myself. Too much had happened which make me lost a bit of trust, or rather self-trust. Sometimes, it just amazed me how he gets my point and restating it well. Clarity, is what I see in this relationship at the moment. And, it feels good indeed. Thank you Mr. Tee :)

So much had happened, I really wish to retrieve the closeness with my best friend, Nee nee. No matter what have happened, I can't turn back time or adjust the clock to repair or undo it. I'm glad that she is happy, genuinely happy for her life now. I am happy for you, sincerely. Self-doubt, yes.. this just popping up again, and I am pressing "backspace, backspace..." again and again. Why? Cause, somehow, I am have tiny feeling telling me that, she has lost trust in me. The pure trust that we used to have. I know we have clarified and we promised that things are all right now. I think it just me, sense of guilt, sense of uncertainty, sense of distance.. I pray that all these will disappear when we meet again, hangout, chit-chat and tease each other like the good'o days. Just want to assure all of you that, I have learned to keep my distance, I recently heard a line.."It's a also a kind of respect when you know When to Step back". I am still practicing, please allow me take some time to master this. Remind me when I do it unintentionally again, I always welcome a gentle reminder. :) I bought a gift for Nee nee, it's still in my white shelve, I will hand it to you when I am ready. hehe.. All the best my dearest friend, I am here no matter what, let me know when you need help, or even just an ear. Anytime, anywhere. 

It's getting dark out there, hope the haze is gone by now.. I miss the sun shining brightly on the blue sky. Life goes on, C'est La Vie. :)